Tom Holt



Lucia In Wartime (1985)
[pb: Black Swan 1985 (reprint 1988), pb, 201p.; ISBN 0-552-99202-X; Cover Art: Lynda Reiss]
Lucia Triumphant (1986)
[pb: Black Swan 1987, pb, 240p.; ISBN 0-552-99281-X; Cover Art: Lynda Reiss]
Expecting Someone Taller (1987)
All he did was run over a badger - sad, but hardly catastrophic. But it wasn't Malcolm Fisher's day, for the badger turned out to be none other than Ingolf, last of the Giants. With his dying breath, he reluctantly handed to Malcolm two Gifts of Power, and made himself ruler of the world.
But can Malcolm cope with the responsibility? Whilst averting wars, plagues and famines, he also has to protect himself against gods, dwarves, valkyries and other nefarious manifestations of the Dark Ages - none of whom think he is right for the job..."

[pb: Orbit 1991 (reprint), ISBN 0-85723-181-3; Cover Art: Steve Lee]
Who's Afraid of Beowulf? (1988)
"Well, not Hrolf Earthstar, for a start. The last Norse king of Caithness, Hrolf and his twelve champions are woken from a centuries-long sleep when Hildy Frederiksen, archaeologist of the fairer sex, finds their grave. Not only that. Hrolf decides to carry on his ancient war against the Sorcerer-King.
In a mixture of P.G. Wodehouse, Norse mythology and Laurel and Hardy, Hildy and her Viking companions face such perils as BBC film crews, second-rate fish and chips and the Bakerloo Line in their battle against the powers of darkness."

[pb: Orbit 1991 (reprint), ISBN 1-85723-196-1; Cover Art: Steve Lee]
  I, Margaret (1989, with Steve Nallon)

[Papermac 1989(?), ISBN 0-333-49776-7; Cover Art: ?]
  Goatsong (1989), Historic Novel (see below)
The Walled Orchard (1990), Historic Novel, sequel to Goatsong
"The hero is Eupolis, weary, cynical and believing only in comedy. The heroine is Athens, at the height of her schizophrenic glory. A startling mixture of comedy and tragedy, The Walled Orchard as the poignant, charming story of their turbulent relationship."
(Taken from the omnibus edition "The Walled Orchard" containing both "Goatsong" and "The Walled Orchard".)

[pb: Warner Books 1997, ISBN 0-7515-2138-8; Cover Art: Colin Hadley]
Flying Dutch (1991)
"It's amazing the problems drinking can get you into. One little swig from the wrong bottle and you go from being an ordinary Dutch sea-captain to an unhappy immortal, drifting around the world with your similarly immortal crew, suffering from peculiarly whiffy side effects. Worst of all, Richard Wagner writes an opera about you.
Little does Cornelius Vanderdecker, the Flying Dutchman, suspect that a chance encounter in an English pub might just lead to the end of his cursed life, one way or another..."

[pb: Orbit 1992, ISBN 1-85723-017-5; Cover Art: Steve Lee]
Ye Gods! (1992)
Being a Hero bothers Jason Derry.
It's easy to get maladjusted when your mum's a suburban housewife and your dad's the Supreme Being. It can be a real drag slaying fabulous monsters and retrieving golden fleeces from fire-spitting dragons, and then having to tidy your room before your mum'll let you watch Star Trek.
But it's not the relentless tedium of imperishable glory that finally brings Jason to the end of his rope; it's something so funny that it's got to be taken seriously. Deadly seriously..."

[pb: Orbit 1993, ISBN 1-85723-080-9; Cover Art: Steve Lee]
Overtime (1993)
"It all started for Guy Goodlet somewhere over Caen. One moment he was heading for the relative safety of the coast, aware that fuel was low and the Mosquito had more than a few bullet holes in it. The next, his co-pilot was asking to be dropped off. This would have been odd if Peter had still been alive. Since he was dead, it was downright worrying.
But not quite as worrying as when Guy found himslef somewhere in the Middle Ages - rahter than in 1943 - in the company of one John de Nesle. Unsurprisingly, Guy's first thought was to get out and home sharpish. But then he saw John,s siter, Isoud, and somehow found himself agreeing to help John, also known as Blondel, in his quest to find Richard Coeur de Lion..."

[pb: Orbit 1993, ISBN 1-85723-126-0; Cover Art: Steve Lee]
Here Comes The Sun (1993)
"The sun rises late, dirty and so badly in need of a service it's a wonder it gets up at all. The moon's going to be scrapped soon an a new one commisioned - but then, they've been saying that for years...
All is not well with the universe, and though there's a hell of a tidying up job to be organised after some carelessness with earthquakes and tidal waves, surely it's crazy to get the mortals to run the show? Things may be bad, but isn't that going to extremes?"
[pb: Orbit 1994, ISBN 1-85723-187-2; Cover Art: Steve Lee]
Grailblazers (1994)
Fifteen hundred years have passed and the Grail is still missing, presumed ineffable; the Knights have dumped the Quest and now deliver pizzas; the sinister financial services industry of the lost kingdom of Atlantis threatens the universe with fiscal Armageddon; while in the background lurks the dark, brooding, red-scaped presence of Father Christmas.
In other words, Grailmate. Has Prince Boamund of Northgales (Snotty to friends) woken from hi enchanted sleep in time to snatch back the Apron of Invincibility, overthrow the dark power of the Lord of the Reindeer and find out exactly what a Grail is? And just who did do the washing-up after the Last Supper? Take a thrilling Grailhound bus ride into the wildly improbable with Tom Holt."

[pb: Orbit 1994, ISBN 1-85723-191-0; Cover Art: Steve Lee]
Faust Among Equals (1994)
The management buy-out of Hell wasn't going quite as well as planned. For astart, there had been that nasty business with the perjurers, and then came the news that the Most Wanted Man in History had escaped, and all just as the plans for the new theme park, Eurobosch, were under way.
But Kurt 'Mad Dog' Lundqvist, the formemost bounty hunter of all time, is on the case, and he can usually be relied upon to get his man - even when that man is Lucky George Faustus...

[pb: Orbit 1995, ISBN 1-85723-265-8; Cover Art: Steve Lee]
Odds & Gods (1995)
"IT'S A GOD'S LIFE... the Sunnyvoyde Residential Home for retired deities. Everlasting life can be a real drag when all you've got to look forward to is cauliflower cheese on Wednesdays.
For a start, there's a major technical problem with the thousand-year-old traction engine which has been lovingly restored by those almighty duffers Thor, Odin and Frey... the damn thing actually goes.
And then there's Osiris, pushed one typioca too far by a power-crazy godson with friends in very smelly places, and forced to set out on a quest which will test his wheelchair to the very limits.
Only one thing might save the world from an eternity of chaos... dentures. It's true. Honest to god."

[pb: Orbit 1995, ISBN 1-85723-299-2; Cover Art: Steve Lee]
Djinn Rummy (1995)
Outside an aspirin bottle, however, things are somewhat different. And when Kayaguchiya Integrated Circuits III (Kiss, to his friends), a Force Twelve genie with an attitude, is released after fourteen years of living with two dozen white tablets, there's bound to be trouble.
Take, for example, Jane. All she wanted was to end her miserable life in peace, with a minimum of fuss, in the privacy of a British Rail waiting room, but now she's got herself a genie for company. Lucky old Jane. Lucky, that is, until the apocalypse rears its ugly head."

[pb: Orbit 1996, ISBN 1-85723-363-8; Cover Art: Steve Lee]
My Hero (1996)
"Writing novels? Piece of cake, surely... or so Jane thinks.
Until hers start writing back.
At which point, she really should stop. Better still, change her name and flee the country.
The one thing she should not do is go into the book herself.
After all, that's what heroes are for. Unfortunately, the world of fiction is a far more complicated place than she ever imagined. And she's about to land her hero right in it."

[pb: Orbit 1996, ISBN 1-85723-387-5; Cover Art: Steve Lee]
Paint Your Dragon (1997)
"The cosmic battle between Good and Evil...
But suppose Evil threw the fight? And suppose Good cheated?
Sculptress Bianca Wilson is a living legend. St George is also a legend, but not quite so living.
However, when Bianca's sculpture of the patron saint and his scaly chum gets a bit
too 'life-like', it opens up a whole new can of wyrms...
The Dragon knows tha Evil got a raw deal and is looking to set the record straight. And George (who cheated) thinks the record's just fine as it is.
Luckily for George, there's a coach-load of demons on an expenses-paid holiday from Hell who are only too happy to help him. Because a holiday from hell is exactly what they're about to get."

[pb: Orbit 1997, ISBN 1-85723-456-1; Cover Art: Steve Lee]
Open Sesame (1997)
"Something was wrong! Just as the boiling water was about to be poured on his head and the man with the red book appeared and his life flashed before his eyes, Akram the Terrible, the most feared thief in Baghdad, knew that his had happened before. Many times. And he was damned if he was going to let it happen again. Just because he was a character in a story didn't mean it always had to end this way.
Meanwhile, back in Southampton, it's a bit of a shock for Michelle when she puts on her Aunt Fatima's ring and the computer and the telephone start to bitch at her. But that's nothing compared to the story that the kitchen appliances have to tell..."

[pb: Orbit 1998, ISBN 1-85723-556-8; Cover Art: Steve Lee]
Wish You Were Here (1998)
"It was a busy day on Lake Chicopee. But it was a mixed bunch of sightseers and tourist that had the strange local residents rubbing their hands with delight.
There was Calvin Dieb[¹], the lawyer setting up the property deal, who'd lost his car keys.
There was Linda Lachuck, the tabloid journalist who could smell that big, sensational story.
There was Janice DeWeese, who was on a walking holiday but who longed for love.
And finally, but most promisiing of all, there was Wesley Higgins, the young man from Birmingham, England, who was there because he knew the legend of the ghost of Okeewana.
All he had to do was immerse himself in the waters of the lake and he would find hi heart's desire. Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time."

[pb: Orbit 1998, ISBN 1-85723-687-4; Cover Art: Paul Cemmick]
[¹] 'Dieb' means 'thief' in German.
Only Human (1999)
"Something is about to go wrong. Very wrong.
But what can you expect when the Supreme Being decides to get away from it all for a few days, leaving his naturally inquisitive son to look after the cosmic balance of things?
A minor hiccup with a human soul and a welding machine soon leads to a violent belch, and before you know it the human condition - not to mention the lemming condition - is tumbling down the slippery slope to chaos.
There's only one hope for mankind. And that's being optimistic."

[pb: Orbit 2000, ISBN 1-85723-949-0; Cover Art: Paul Cemmick]
Snow White & The Seven Samurai (1999) [Sneak Preview]
"Once upon a time (or last Thursday as it's known in this matrix) ...
Everything was fine. Humpty Dumpty sat on his wall, Jack and Jill went about their lawful business, the Big Bad Wolf did what big bad wolves do, and the wicked queen plotted murder most fould.
But the human crackers cried havoc, shut down the wicked queen's system (Mirrors 3.1) and corrupted her database - and suddenly everything was not fine at all. But at least we know that they'll all live happily ever after. Don't we?"

[pb: Orbit 06/2000, ISBN 1-85723-988-1; Cover Art: Paul Cemmick]
[hc: Orbit 12/1999, ISBN 1-85723-898-2; Cover Art: Paul Cemmick]
Alexander At The World's End (1999, kind of sequel to The Walled Orchard and Goatsong)
"Alexander the Great conquered Greece, Egypt and the Persian Empire in the course of eigth years. Although he died at the age of 33, he left behind a legacy that would change the world. For some people, however, life can be very different ...
ALEXANDER AT THE WORLD'S END is the story of two remarkable men, one of whom conquered empires with apparent ease and one of whom struggled with the day-to-day problems of a small provincial town. It is the story of two men whose paths crossed only briefly, but whose encounter changed both their lives - and the course of history. And it is a story which throws an extraordinary new light on the man who became Alexander the Great."

[pb: Abacus 05/2000, 480p. ISBN 0-349-11315-7; Cover Art: Colin Hadley]
[hc: Little Brown 08/1999, 430p. ISBN 0-31685-058-6 ; Cover Art: Colin Hadley]
Olympiad (2000)
[hc: Little Brown 05/2000, 320p., ISBN 0-31685190-9; Cover Art: ?]
Valhalla (2000)
[Sneak Preview]
"As everyone knows, when great warriors die their reward is eternal life in Odin's bijou little residence known as Valhalla.
But Valhalla has changed. It has grown. It has diversified. Just like any corporation, the Valhalla Group has had to adapt to survive.
Unfortunately, not even an omniscient Norse god could have prepared Valhalla for the arrival of Carol Kortright, one-time cocktail waitress, last seen dead, and not at all happy."

[hc: Orbit 06/2000, 270p., ISBN 1-857-23983-0; Cover Art: ? (Paul Cemmick for the second?)]
[pb: Orbit 05/2001, ISBN 1-84149-042-3; Cover Art: ? (same as the second)]
Nothing But Blue Skies (formerly: The Portable Door)
A story about "love, authoritarian government and the British love/hate relationship with their bloody awful weather" (according to Tom)
"There are very many reasons why British summers are either non-existent or, alternatively, held on a Thursday. Many of these reasons are either scientific, mad, or both - but all of them are wrong, especially the scientific ones.
The real reason why it rains perpetually from January 1st to December 31st (incl.) is, of course, irritable Chinese Water Dragons.
Karen is one such legendary creature. Ancient, noble, near-indestructible and, for a number of wildly improbable reasons, working as an estate-agent, Karen is irritable quite a lot of the time.
Hence Wimbledon.
But now things have changed and KAren's no longer irrritable.

[hc: Orbit 05/2001, 290p.?, ISBN 1-84149-040-7]
[pb: Orbit 2001, 318p., ISBN 1-84149-058-X]
Falling Sideways (2002)
A "simple love story about a boy, a girl, cloning and the true meaning of kissing frogs" (according to Tom)
"From the moment Homo Sapiens descended from the trees, possibly onto their heads, humanity has striven towards civilization. Fire. The Wheel. Running Away from furry things with more teeth than one might reasonably expect - all are testament to man's ultimate supremacy.
It's a noble story and so, of course, complete and utter fiction.
For one man has discovered the hideous trught: that humanity's ascent to civilisation [sic: once with 's', once with 'z'] has been ruthlessly guided by a small gang of devious frogs.
The man's name is David Perkins and his theory is not, on the whole, widely admired, particularly not by the frogs themselves who had, frankly, invested a great deal of time and effort in keeping the whole thing quiet.
Happily for humanity, however, very little of the above is actually true either.
Unhappily, things are a lot, lot, worse."
[hc: Orbit 2002, ?, ISBN 1-84149-087-3]
[pb: Orbit 2002, 407p., ISBN 1-84149-110-1]
  Little People (06/2002)

[hc: Orbit 06/2002, 374p.; ISBN 1-84149-116-0]
[pb: Orbit 03/2003, 384p.; ISBN 1-84149-185-3]
  The Portable Door (2003)

[hc: Orbit /2003, p.; ISBN ]
[pb: Orbit 04/2004, 404p.; ISBN 1-84149-208-6]
  A Song For Nero (early 2003, a historical novel)

[hc: Little Brown 2003, 384p.; ISBN 0-316861138; Cover Art: ?]
[hc: Abacus 01/2004, 569p.; ISBN 0-349-11614-8; Cover Art: ?]
  In your dreams (2004)

[hc: Orbit /2004, p.; ISBN ]
[pb: Orbit 01/2005, 480p.; ISBN 1-84149-219-1]
   Earth, Air, Fire and Custard (February 2005)

[hc: Orbit, ?p.; ISBN 1-84149-281-7; Cover Art: ?]
  Poems By Tom Holt (1973), Verse
[? 1973?, ISBN 0-71811-181-8; Cover Art: ?]
  Bitter Lemmings (1997), Verse
[Beccon, spiral bound, 40p.; ISBN 1-870-82438-5]
  Holt, Who Goes There? (1998), Collected short stories & amalgamated drivel
[BFS 09/1998, 48p.; ISBN 0-952-41533-X]

- Short Stories, filk and verse available on-line:
 Snow White & The Seven Samurai - Sneak Preview
 Valhalla - World Preview
 The God Who Came to Dinner
 Good Morning Neverland
 The Shoemaker and the Elves
 I Am the Very Model of a Usenet Personality
 Windows on My Mind
 Windows Upgraded
 The Compleat Trekwriter
 Book Signings
 New Found Land

Spawned by/through/in/with the newsgroup alt.books.tom-holt:
 Harmony and the Return of the Giant Earwig
 Do You Come From The Land Called abthite

Short Biography:
Tom Holt was born in 1961, a sullen podgy child, much given to brooding on the Infinite. He studied at Westminster School, Wadham College, Oxford and the College of Law. He produced his first book, Poems by Tom Holt, at the age of thirteen, and was immediately hailed as an infant prodigy, to his horror. At Oxford, Holt discovered bar billiards and at once changed from poetry to comic fiction, beginning with two sequels to E.F. Benson's Lucia series, and continuing with his own distinctive brand of comic fantasy. He has also written two historical novels set in the fifth century BC, the well-received Goatsong and The Walled Orchard to which Alexander at the World's End is in some respect a sequel, and has collaborated with Steve Nallon on I, Margaret, the (unauthorised) autobiography of Margaret Thatcher. Somewhat thinner and more cheerful than in his youth, Tom Holt is now married, and lives in Chard, Somerset, just downwind of the meat-canning factory. (photo)

- The newsgroup alt.books.tom-holt's Frequently Asked Questions.


The presented texts may contain copyrighted material. Trademarks are property of their respective owners.
Descriptions taken from the cover blurbs.

© 1999-2002 e-mail Uwe Milde

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Last edited on 2004-11-11.